Category: Immunotherapy

This is hard.

I miss having a job. I miss teaching. I miss talking to colleagues at work. I miss going places by myself. I miss listening to the radio on the way to work. I miss picking the kids up from daycare and being excited to see them after a long day. I miss having a routine. I miss having a reason to get dressed up.

I know I should be grateful. And I am. I’m cancer free. I’m going to be fine. 😊 We are able to have me stay home with the kids this year to avoid covid exposure. In the grand scheme of things, I know I really shouldn’t complain. So many people are struggling during this pandemic with a new normal.

But I’m just really having a hard time. I am with these kids all day, every day. It’s exhausting. Even if I wasn’t going through immunotherapy, I’d still be exhausted. I never signed up to be a stay-at-home-mom full time. And I just have this bad feeling that nothing is really going to change until after the winter. Which means I have like 6 more months minimum of being with the kids. All. The. Time.

I could hire a babysitter or nanny or something, but don’t know if I feel comfortable with someone in our house right now.

I just feel stuck. Trying to make the best of homeschooling, which I enjoy planning for, but Ben doesn’t really enjoy doing. The two kids are always going in different directions or fighting over toys.

Sigh. I really just need a vacation. Preferably on a beach. With my friends. No kids in sight. Lol. And lots of margaritas. A girl can dream, right?

Sorry for the pity party today haha. Just had to vent.

Out and about

I’ve really been enjoying the cooler weather the past week or so. Last week I took the kids on a walk at a nearby pond. It was great. I was exhausted when we got back because I may have overdone it a bit haha, but it was still fun.

This weekend Eric and I took the kids for a walk, and Ben loved climbing the rocks and trees.

It’s just been so nice to feel up for doing outings like this. For the first half of this year I really didn’t go out and do much of anything, because I just wasn’t feeling well. So it’s been great to get out again (while still being cautious about covid of course).

😊🌳🦆☀️🍁😊

Treatment Update

I started radiation last week! So easy, compared to chemo. I am going to Lahey in Burlington so it’s quick to get there, and I got appointments first thing in the morning. That way I can get back to watch the kids for the rest of the day, so it doesn’t really impact Eric’s workday.

Bonus – I don’t have to make the kids breakfast lol. And I get to listen to Matty in the Morning on the way to radiation! 👍🏻

I have 20 total radiation treatments – every weekday for 4 weeks. No side effects yet, although I was told skin irritation doesn’t always start right away, so we’ll see. They said radiation can cause fatigue, and I’m also going through immunotherapy which causes fatigue. Plus I have two little kids to watch all day. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Soo yeah, I’m definitely gonna be tired. Send coffee ☕️ Lol.

As for the immunotherapy, I go back next Monday, and I’m hoping I won’t have any reactions to the meds this time. Cross your fingers for me. 🤞🏻 It was awful last time and I’m really hoping this time will go more smoothly.

The fun continues

So the last few weeks have been amazing. I felt great, had a good amount of energy, enjoyed seeing some people here and there (social distancing with masks of course). We celebrated Ben’s birthday, I went to my friend’s bridal shower.. life felt somewhat normal (as normal as it can feel during a pandemic). It’s been really wonderful.

Yesterday I went in for my first immunotherapy infusion. Unfortunately I had a reaction to one of the drugs. I started getting jittery and shivering and really cold and nauseous. It’s apparently not uncommon. But it took me by surprise because I’ve had this med before with no problem. They gave me a medication to help with the shaking, but that made me more nauseous and I ended up getting sick. Not fun.

What I didn’t realize is that they don’t give pre-meds for immunotherapy. When I was doing chemo, I got Benedryl, anti-nausea meds, and a steroid before the chemo, to help with any possible reactions/nausea etc. They don’t typically do the pre-meds if you’re just getting immunotherapy, apparently, but it seems like I need them. So I think in 3 weeks when I go in, they’ll do the pre-meds first and hopefully I won’t have the same problem as yesterday.

Anyway I’m just a little bummed today. It was kind of like a tease the last few weeks – feeling so good. Now I’m back to treatment. But I just keep reminding myself the cancer is GONE, and these treatments are to help make sure it doesn’t come back. Just gotta get this done.

Feeling good 😎

Haven’t written in a while because we’ve been busy! We celebrated Ben’s 5th birthday this past weekend. Couldn’t have a big party obviously, but we had a few very small get togethers with friends and family.

I’ve been feeling great and it’s been awesome. 😎 I’ve recovered from surgery, and my energy level is back up to normal! 👏🏻 I’ve been able to do a lot more with the kids (which is great. And also really hard. Lol).

Of course I’m not done with treatment, though. Haha. The fun starts up again next week. Immunotherapy starts Monday and radiation starts the week after.

Immunotherapy infusions are once every 3 weeks at Dana Farber. Radiation is everyday Monday-Friday for ~4 weeks at Lahey in Burlington. Both are to help make sure the cancer doesn’t come back. 🤞🏻

The radiation may cause some fatigue and skin irritation, but shouldn’t have other side effects. And the immunotherapy may cause some fatigue and minor stomach issues, but nothing like what I was dealing with before with the chemo. So hopefully it won’t be too bad!

I gotta say, now that I’m feeling pretty good, this pandemic really sucks! 🤣 During chemo I was miserable and didn’t want to do anything anyway. But now I want to go places and do things, and we still can’t do much! How have you all been dealing with this for 5 months already?!?!? Hahaha. Sigh.

Can’t believe tomorrow it’s August. 🤔 What a weird year!

Next steps

Ok so I went for some more tests last week and have a clearer picture now of what the next few months will look like.

I had another mammogram and ultrasound so that the surgeon would have updated scans before surgery. I think I had unrealistic expectations that the cancer would be all gone, so when the scans showed the tumors were smaller but still there, I was definitely a little bit disappointed. Apparently my tumors are stubborn (I have 3 tumors, all right next to each other in a row.) But they are smaller than they were. The doc who did the ultrasound had a hard time even finding them, so I took that as a good sign. 👍🏻

I saw my oncologist that same day (who I didn’t have an appointment with, but I think he heard I was there and probably seemed stressed so he popped in.. he’s a really nice guy). He reiterated that he is happy with my progress. He can’t feel the tumors anymore. I responded well to chemo. He is still optimistic I’m going to be just fine. I definitely needed to hear that.

It’s a long road though. I’ve known that all along but I had sort of blocked it out and have taken things one step at a time. Which is the only way I could manage it. But now that chemo is done and I’m looking ahead, there is still a lot to do that I’ve known about but was sort of ignoring. Haha. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m having a lumpectomy on July 8th. Which is not only a big deal because it’s surgery, but because we will finally know for sure if there is cancer still present in the breast and if there is any cancer in the lymph nodes. Hopefully not, on both counts. But it is likely that there is still some cancer there, based on my scans, so I need to be realistic about that.

They will be removing the tumors and the surrounding tissue during the lumpectomy. They will also remove one or two lymph nodes (to test them while I’m still in surgery). If it shows that cancerous cells are present, they’ll remove the rest of my lymph nodes in my armpit during the same surgery. (There has been no indication so far about anything in my lymph nodes, so cross your fingers they don’t find any surprises.)

I don’t need to stay overnight. Recovery is about 2 weeks, longer if they have to take all my lymph nodes. It’ll take about a week to get results about the tissue they remove from my breast.

In August I’ll start radiation for 4-6 weeks (5 days a week). Plus I have to get an infusion every 3 weeks from August until January (one year from when I started this whole mess). This is the part I’ve been in denial about. I just don’t want to do it. 🤣 The outcome of the biopsy results will determine the drug they give me every 3 weeks. Shouldn’t have too bad of side effects either way though, from what I understand.

Right now I’m enjoying this next week of feeling good before surgery! And I’m looking forward to getting these tumors OUT. 😀