Category: Treatments

This is hard.

I miss having a job. I miss teaching. I miss talking to colleagues at work. I miss going places by myself. I miss listening to the radio on the way to work. I miss picking the kids up from daycare and being excited to see them after a long day. I miss having a routine. I miss having a reason to get dressed up.

I know I should be grateful. And I am. I’m cancer free. I’m going to be fine. 😊 We are able to have me stay home with the kids this year to avoid covid exposure. In the grand scheme of things, I know I really shouldn’t complain. So many people are struggling during this pandemic with a new normal.

But I’m just really having a hard time. I am with these kids all day, every day. It’s exhausting. Even if I wasn’t going through immunotherapy, I’d still be exhausted. I never signed up to be a stay-at-home-mom full time. And I just have this bad feeling that nothing is really going to change until after the winter. Which means I have like 6 more months minimum of being with the kids. All. The. Time.

I could hire a babysitter or nanny or something, but don’t know if I feel comfortable with someone in our house right now.

I just feel stuck. Trying to make the best of homeschooling, which I enjoy planning for, but Ben doesn’t really enjoy doing. The two kids are always going in different directions or fighting over toys.

Sigh. I really just need a vacation. Preferably on a beach. With my friends. No kids in sight. Lol. And lots of margaritas. A girl can dream, right?

Sorry for the pity party today haha. Just had to vent.

Out and about

I’ve really been enjoying the cooler weather the past week or so. Last week I took the kids on a walk at a nearby pond. It was great. I was exhausted when we got back because I may have overdone it a bit haha, but it was still fun.

This weekend Eric and I took the kids for a walk, and Ben loved climbing the rocks and trees.

It’s just been so nice to feel up for doing outings like this. For the first half of this year I really didn’t go out and do much of anything, because I just wasn’t feeling well. So it’s been great to get out again (while still being cautious about covid of course).

😊🌳🦆☀️🍁😊

Treatment Update

I started radiation last week! So easy, compared to chemo. I am going to Lahey in Burlington so it’s quick to get there, and I got appointments first thing in the morning. That way I can get back to watch the kids for the rest of the day, so it doesn’t really impact Eric’s workday.

Bonus – I don’t have to make the kids breakfast lol. And I get to listen to Matty in the Morning on the way to radiation! 👍🏻

I have 20 total radiation treatments – every weekday for 4 weeks. No side effects yet, although I was told skin irritation doesn’t always start right away, so we’ll see. They said radiation can cause fatigue, and I’m also going through immunotherapy which causes fatigue. Plus I have two little kids to watch all day. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Soo yeah, I’m definitely gonna be tired. Send coffee ☕️ Lol.

As for the immunotherapy, I go back next Monday, and I’m hoping I won’t have any reactions to the meds this time. Cross your fingers for me. 🤞🏻 It was awful last time and I’m really hoping this time will go more smoothly.

The fun continues

So the last few weeks have been amazing. I felt great, had a good amount of energy, enjoyed seeing some people here and there (social distancing with masks of course). We celebrated Ben’s birthday, I went to my friend’s bridal shower.. life felt somewhat normal (as normal as it can feel during a pandemic). It’s been really wonderful.

Yesterday I went in for my first immunotherapy infusion. Unfortunately I had a reaction to one of the drugs. I started getting jittery and shivering and really cold and nauseous. It’s apparently not uncommon. But it took me by surprise because I’ve had this med before with no problem. They gave me a medication to help with the shaking, but that made me more nauseous and I ended up getting sick. Not fun.

What I didn’t realize is that they don’t give pre-meds for immunotherapy. When I was doing chemo, I got Benedryl, anti-nausea meds, and a steroid before the chemo, to help with any possible reactions/nausea etc. They don’t typically do the pre-meds if you’re just getting immunotherapy, apparently, but it seems like I need them. So I think in 3 weeks when I go in, they’ll do the pre-meds first and hopefully I won’t have the same problem as yesterday.

Anyway I’m just a little bummed today. It was kind of like a tease the last few weeks – feeling so good. Now I’m back to treatment. But I just keep reminding myself the cancer is GONE, and these treatments are to help make sure it doesn’t come back. Just gotta get this done.

Hair Update

I haven’t updated about my hair in a while. It’s been an interesting progression of hair loss. You may remember I used the Paxman scalp cooling cap during chemo to help reduce hair loss. I was told upfront that it works better with certain types of chemotherapy, and they don’t make any guarantees about keeping all your hair.

The scalp cooling worked great through my first 12 weeks of chemo. I barely lost any more hair than usual. During the next round of the more intense chemo, I was told the scalp cooling wouldn’t be as effective because of the stronger meds, but that since I already had the cap, it was worth a shot. I didn’t lose too much more hair during those 8 weeks either.

Ironically in the weeks AFTER chemo, my hair started coming out more and more, and I’m continuing to lose a lot on a daily basis. And although I am starting to get some regrowth, it’s going to take a looong time to get my usual length of hair back.

This is what my hair looks like now. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I wear headbands a lot.

I discovered they make fake “messy buns” and I was able to get one I love! It adds a lot of volume.

I also found out insurance would reimburse me for a wig, so I just got one today! It’s going to take some getting used to, but I like it!! I’m pretty sure my natural hair never looked this good. 😂😂