Chemo #4 was rough today. Nausea… restless legs … cold cap was hurting my forehead which gave me a bad headache which didn’t help the nausea. Oh, and I hate IVs with a passion.

People keep telling me I’m strong and brave. I just didn’t feel that way today. I felt defeated. For half a second I debated ripping the IV out of my hand and getting out of there as fast as I could. Definitely felt sorry for myself today. But then I looked down at all the pictures of Eric, Ben and Ellie on the blanket my friends made, and it got me through it. I’m not giving up. This sucks. A lot. And I’m pretty pissed off at cancer today. 😡 But I’m not giving up.

4 out of 12 treatments done ✅ ✅ ✅ ✅

Still don’t feel great today but I’m ignoring that at the moment because Eric’s sister had her baby! I’m an aunt!! 💕

We got to meet the baby this afternoon. Newborn baby snuggles are just the best!

Congrats you guys – we’re so happy for you! ❤️

Starting to figure out a pattern of side effects each week. The first half of the week has been pretty consistent since I started chemo.

Monday – Chemo Day

Tuesday – feel surprisingly great! Burst of energy, productive, gotta-get-stuff-done-while-I’m-feeling-good mentality.

Tuesday night – headache, face gets flushed, tired, nauseous

Wednesday – In bed most of the day. Upset stomach. (I’ll spare you the details).

The rest of the week I haven’t quite figured out because symptoms tend to come and go as they please. It’s a balancing act of prescription and over the counter meds to ease the side effects.

Fun stuff. And now it’s time for my first nap of the day. 😉😴

Things went much better today!! They’ve been giving me benedryl prior to the chemo (to help in case you have an allergic reaction to the chemo) and I really hated it the past 2 weeks. Anyway I was able to take the benedryl by mouth instead of through IV today, so it wasn’t as intense. Much better experience. No restless legs. Tired but not too out of it and no nausea. Woooooo! ✅✅✅

Pre-chemo coffee date ☕️

Round 3 today!

Ellie learned how to give kisses and it’s the best medicine ever. (Or she’s trying to bite my face.. not 100% sure 🤷🏼‍♀️)

🥰🥰🥰

“When life gives you a hundred reasons to break down and cry, show life that you have a million reasons to smile and laugh.”

The past few days have been tough. It seems that 2 days after chemo is the day I have the most side effects. Then yesterday I was feeling a little better but still so tired. Physically this is difficult. But mentally it’s even harder. I’m trying to figure out a new normal. I can put in a load of laundry but then I have to sit down. I can run a quick errand but then I have to come home and take a nap.

It’s beyond frustrating I can’t do all the things I want to do. And I feel guilty that Ellie is in daycare while I’m home, but there is absolutely no way I could care for her by myself right now.

But today is a new day. Woke up feeling a little more positive. Got some good Saturday morning snuggles with this sweet boy.

And then Ellie started dancing with her little ducky. 🐥 🤣

Definitely have plenty of reasons to smile and laugh. 😍

Eric and I are overwhelmed with the amount of support we’ve gotten in the past few weeks!

Calls, texts, emails. Meals. Babysitting at the last minute. Encouraging comments on Facebook. Funny memes to keep us laughing. Donations on the gofundme. Rides into Boston. Little gifts sent in the mail to lift my spirits.

I never thought I’d have a gofundme set up for me. In fact when Josh and Sarah first mentioned it my first thought was that it wasn’t really necessary. Eric and I are not generally the type to ask for help. I’m learning that it’s REALLY hard not only to ask for help, but also to accept help. But given that I can’t work for the foreseeable future, and the kids are staying in preschool/daycare, the gofundme is going to be so incredibly helpful.

The words “thank you” don’t even seem to capture what I want to say. It’s truly amazing. Donations from so many people from so many stages of our lives. Friends, family, coworkers, people Eric and I went to school with, friends of friends, etc. Even people I’ve never even met are going out of their way to support us. We are blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives!

In this crazy world we live in, this honestly reaffirms my faith that there are really kind, caring, generous people out there!

Thanks everyone. 🤗

So far this whole chemo thing has been such a rollercoaster. Some days I feel pretty normal. Other days I’m in bed quite a bit. Last week I felt ok about the chemo treatment. Today I hated it. Sigh. Definitely was nauseous today, and had restless legs again, and we had an issue with the IV being painful so they had to take it out and put one in the other hand. Not fun.

But it’s over. Took a nap when I got home and then we celebrated Eric’s birthday tonight! Ellie wasn’t feeling the group pic. These pictures pretty accurately sum up my life right now 😆

But how cute is this?

So normally I’ll be doing treatments on Mondays, but this week it’ll be Tuesday. (Anybody else think it’s odd that Dana Farber isn’t open on MLK day? I mean, doesn’t it seem like the kind of place that should be open every day?) 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hoping it will go much faster than last time. Every 3 weeks it’s a longer infusion because I get chemo plus two immunotherapy drugs. So that’s partly why last week was so long. This week it’s only the chemo, and I have an early morning appointment, so hopefully it won’t be an all day thing this time! 🤞🏻