Love this ❤️💪🏻😊☕️

I had a whole post typed up about the ups and downs of 2020. The good and the bad. The challenges and successes.

But what it really boils down to is this – yes, I went through an absolutely horrible year. But THE CANCER IS GONE. 👏🏻😀

And I’m ready to move forward. So I deleted my lengthy post and I’m just going to say Happy New Year! 🥂 I’m really excited for a fresh start! 😊

I haven’t written in a while. I think that’s a good thing, though! It means things are pretty good. 😊 For the most part, I’m feeling fine. My treatments at Dana Farber every 3 weeks are routine and not so bad really. Six more infusions to go.

I’ve been so busy with Ellie’s second birthday, then Thanksgiving, now Hanukkah, and Christmas coming up! I’ve thrown myself into decorating for the holidays and planning activities for the kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m exhausted and have cabin fever and the kids are currently driving me crazy lol, but those problems are no different from so many families right now. So I need to remember how grateful I am to have “normal” holiday and pandemic stresses right now. Lol.

Here’s some pictures from Ellie’s birthday –

Apparently I didn’t take too many pictures on Thanksgiving. But here’s a cute one of Ellie in her turkey dress –

First night of Hanukkah –

Playing in the “doh” ❄️ as Ellie calls it –

Wishing everyone a happy holiday season! 😊

I needed this. We needed this. Many thanks to my neighbor Ann who is letting us use her lakehouse in upstate CT this weekend. The house is beautiful. The lake is beautiful. The weather is beautiful. And I’m here with Eric while the kids are home with my parents. Thanks Ann, Mom, and Dad for making this little getaway possible. ❤️

It’s been such a great week. My parents have been up since Friday visiting and helping us out with the kids. Big thank you to Gramma and Pop Pop for coming up so often!!! ❤️❤️

I was also able to go to my friend’s wedding ceremony this weekend and it was BEAUTIFUL! Gorgeous venue and just the sweetest ceremony. So happy for you guys! And so happy I was able to go and have a “normal” night out with friends (well, as normal as you can have during a pandemic lol), sitting around a fire pit after the wedding. So many laughs! It was exactly what I needed. 😀 Eric and I both got to go which was awesome. Can’t remember the last time we went somewhere together without the kids! 🥰

This morning I’m getting a little time to myself before my parents go back home. Got some Starbucks and I’m sitting here just enjoying this beautiful fall day. 😎

Ok it’s not really the penthouse. But it is the best spot on the 9th floor – the corner room!! Haha. It’s the little things. Getting my immunotherapy infusion today. Going smoothly.

I miss having a job. I miss teaching. I miss talking to colleagues at work. I miss going places by myself. I miss listening to the radio on the way to work. I miss picking the kids up from daycare and being excited to see them after a long day. I miss having a routine. I miss having a reason to get dressed up.

I know I should be grateful. And I am. I’m cancer free. I’m going to be fine. 😊 We are able to have me stay home with the kids this year to avoid covid exposure. In the grand scheme of things, I know I really shouldn’t complain. So many people are struggling during this pandemic with a new normal.

But I’m just really having a hard time. I am with these kids all day, every day. It’s exhausting. Even if I wasn’t going through immunotherapy, I’d still be exhausted. I never signed up to be a stay-at-home-mom full time. And I just have this bad feeling that nothing is really going to change until after the winter. Which means I have like 6 more months minimum of being with the kids. All. The. Time.

I could hire a babysitter or nanny or something, but don’t know if I feel comfortable with someone in our house right now.

I just feel stuck. Trying to make the best of homeschooling, which I enjoy planning for, but Ben doesn’t really enjoy doing. The two kids are always going in different directions or fighting over toys.

Sigh. I really just need a vacation. Preferably on a beach. With my friends. No kids in sight. Lol. And lots of margaritas. A girl can dream, right?

Sorry for the pity party today haha. Just had to vent.