My favorite season

🍂 ✏️ 🍎 🐿 🌳 🎃 👻 🦃 🍁

Ok, technically it’s still summer, but I don’t care haha. It’s September so I’m in full fall mode over here!

Ben is starting kindergarten next week! His teacher requested a family photo so we took this one last night and I just love it. Everybody is looking at the camera AND smiling, which is a family photo miracle. 😜

(Ellie found this old hat of Ben’s and has been wearing it for like 3 days straight 🤷🏼‍♀️)

It’s been a busy summer. I’ve been slowly feeling better — fewer stomach issues, a little more energy. But I’ve had some new peripheral neuropathy (numbness and tingling and painful cold in my hands and feet) that may be related to chemo or may not. It’s odd that it came on after treatment. Usually neuropathy happens during chemo. I’ve also been having joint pain, I get lightheaded often, and I still get so tired after relatively little activity.

For a cancer patient, I’m doing great. For a 37 year old, I could be doing better. I’d like to feel my age, and right now I’m dealing with a body that is still running on empty. Long-lasting treatment side effects, post-treatment anxiety, pandemic stress, not enough time for myself, dealing with the kids 24/7.. it’s all taken a toll. So anyway I’m hopeful I can start feeling GOOD (instead of “not too bad,” which is usually how I’ve been answering when people ask how I am.) Doing some tests to see if there’s any vitamins or meds or anything that might help.

That being said, I’m only 4 months out from finishing treatment, and I need to give myself more time. The progress is happening but it’s very slow. It feels like two steps forward, one step back. But I am improving and I need to remember things will continue to get better with time.

I made the decision this summer to not pursue a teaching position for this fall. It was so hard. I was looking forward to going back to work so much. But I know my body isn’t ready. So although I’m disappointed, I’m going to be a stay at home mom for a while (by CHOICE, not because of cancer and covid like last year). I’m looking forward to the routine of the school year. Although it may not seem like a typical year to most teachers, it will be a return to normalcy in our lives that I crave.

Ben will start school next week, and the following week Ellie will start preschool 3 mornings a week. Which means.. I get 3 mornings a week to myself. 😁 So I will finally have some time for me to focus on me! To rest. To recover.

It makes me happy that I’ll be available as Ben starts kindergarten and Ellie starts preschool. And I’ll have some one-on-one time with Ellie, which I haven’t had much of since she was a baby. So I’m really looking forward to that too.

I read a quote a while back that really resonated with me.

Obviously my life hasn’t gone according to plan. Understatement of the year. But here I am, I can’t change the circumstances, but my priorities have shifted. I’m enjoying the sweet and silly little moments with Eric and the kids. I laugh more. Living in the moment has never been a strength of mine. Nothing like getting cancer in your 30s to help teach you how to live in the moment! Does that mean I’m thankful I got cancer so I could learn that??? 😂 Hell no.

But it does mean I’m going to try to live more fully. Be more present. Be more thankful for my wonderful husband and kids. Be more open to different life paths and find the joy along the way. ❤️