“Just”

I was talking to someone the other day about my plans for the upcoming school year. They asked if I was looking for a full time teaching position for September.

I said something like, “I don’t think I’m ready to work full time – I’m just subbing a few days a week right now.”

Just subbing.

It’s true that I will be substitute teaching 3 days a week this year, like I did in the spring.

It’s also true that subbing is not what I thought I’d be doing at this stage of my career.

I’ve become aware that I say “just” way too often. I’m working with my therapist on not minimizing everything I’m doing. I’m not good at giving myself credit. I always feel like I could do more.

But you know what? Subbing is pretty hard. Going into a class, not knowing the routines, not knowing the kids, not knowing the curriculum, not knowing where things are in the classroom. It’s a challenge. I really like it, actually. (Most of the time haha). I love teaching. I love getting to know the kids in different grades.

There is nothing easy about subbing.

And yet, I said I’m “just” subbing a few days a week. Like it’s nothing.

Well, it’s not nothing. It’s actually a big deal for me, and I need to remind myself of it more often. I have a job. It’s hard, and it’s rewarding. On the days I’m at school, subbing allows me to get out of the house, and feel productive and helpful. And on the days I’m not subbing, it means I have time at home with Ellie. It means I have time to catch up on things around the house. It means I have time to prioritize my physical and emotional wellbeing. Plus it gives me time to write, which has become very important to me (more about that coming soon!)

I went through a year and a half of cancer treatment. I think I owe it to myself to try to acknowledge all I can do now. Not so long ago I couldn’t get through a day without napping.

Anybody else feel like you don’t give yourself enough credit? That you’re “just” doing this and that, as if it’s not enough? We all do so much. Being an adult right now is HARD. There is so much going on in this world, so much stress, such high expectations to do ALL THE THINGS.

Next time somebody asks me about teaching, I plan on saying that I’m working at an elementary school 3 days a week, and spending the other days focusing on myself and my family.

The word “just” doesn’t need to be in my response.